BLINDED BY THE SIGHT!

Recently, I read an article by a woman reporter who said that she was confused by the overwhelming percentage of attractive women who are married to or dating men who are, at best, average looking, and, at worst, just plain disgustingly unattractive. She cites Billy Joel and the husband on "King of Queens," as proof that women seem less concerned with outward appearances than men. To which, I would respond, "Where, where, where?!"

True, if one only looks at these examples - you forgot Elvis Costello and Diana Krall, sweetie - it would be easy to conclude that either women are far less shallow than men or they're just plain stupid, when they're not outright blind. But my personal experience has been just the opposite. Invariably, far from the seemingly lopsided statistics our dashing reporter volunteers, in the vast majority of places where men and women tend to get together and, one would hope, mix, if a guy doesn't have much more to offer than his bubbly personality, he will most likely be going home alone. Conversely, most women in these settings, unless they are hideous, are far more likely to get to first or second base.

The reasons for this are obvious. Men are still thought of as hunters and, as a result, perceived, whether justly or not, as having the hidden agendas. Really, when was the last time you heard of a woman who was fairly attractive going up to a guy, telling him that she found him attractive, and that she wanted to go home with him being rejected? Try that in reverse and count how many drinks said woman throws in his face before a yes is forthcoming.

Women aren't blind, they're not stupid, and, no, they are NOT less shallow than men. They just don't have to deal with all the baggage of centuries of being the aggressor in the cat and mouse game. As a result, far from being less picky, they just have far more leverage in the game of "My place or yours!"

No, the real question shouldn't be why do attractive women marry ugly guys, it should be why do attractive women marry dickheads? Yes, that's the real 64,000 question. I can't tell you how many stunningly beautiful women shack up with or just flat out marry guys who are about as emotionally available as a blade of grass in the middle of a desert. It defies all logic. You hear about it all the time, and not just in Hollywood where it seems the statute of limitations on successful marriages is about as long as a failed sitcom in August. Case after case shows that some of the most gorgeous and desirable women, when they can have their pick of any man they choose, end up settling for guys who abuse them, cheat on them, and when they're not doing either of those things, just flat out ignore them. Now here's the sick part. When these relationships break up, you'd think these beauties would learn from their mistakes, right? Wrong! After a brief period of mourning they end up right back where they started from with the next dickhead who happens to come along and is willing to neglect them.

I guess I shouldn't complain. After all I do belong to a gender who, for some strange reason, finds something attractive about Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. Common guys, no sense denying it, we've all seen the beaver pix. Maybe both sexes are a lot more shallow than we'd like to admit. When faced with a choice between substance and style, most of us, if we were honest, would chose style, assuming both weren't available in the same package. In the end, we all get what we're looking for, whether we deserve it or not.